Have you ever blamed past experiences for your present reality? If so, read on.
I was listening to a book recently when a guy rambled off a series of challenging situations in a person’s life. For example, “My parents divorced when I was six. My father wasn’t around much when I was a kid. My mother was very ‘cold’ towards me. My parents never praised me for my accomplishments” The author in the book then said, “So what? The question isn’t what happened in your life. It’s what are you going to do about it now.” I am writing about this notion of “moving on” because it’s an important topic in many people’s lives.
Mary Oliver, a well known poet, wrote a poem about this topic. In Black Water Pond she writes, “The past is the past and the present is what your live is, and you are fully capable of choosing what that will be, darling citizen.”
How can you move on from patterns developed in the past?
The first thing to understand is your mind is a biocomputer that writes instructions for itself throughout a your life. However, the mind is sort of like an onion. There is an inner layer and outer layers. The inner layer (similar to the inner layer of a cell – the nucleus) governs the outer layers. The really interesting part is the inner layer forms during the first few years of life. The instructions (or programs) put in the mind during those years become the instructions with which one views the world. Those instructions (or “beliefs in real”) are the rule of a person’s life – and with good reason. Those are the instructions you use to navigate through the world every day. They have gotten you to where you are.
A good example of a “belief in real” is temperature. Do you know what cold is? How about hot? When did you learn what cold was? Who taught it to you? That’s an example of a belief in real. Most of the beliefs in real put in place long ago are correct. However, some of the beliefs in real might not be correct. I once worked with a client who, as a result of some events that took place early in her life, formed a belief in real that she was alone. She recreated that reality for many years (e.g., distancing herself from friends) until she recognized and changed it.
After understanding the mind operates like a computer, the second step is to look at one’s life. If you ask yourself, “Where in my life am I frustrated? Where am I not growing? Am I where I want to be in my life?,” and you see conflicting answers, then it indicates some of the beliefs in real put in place long ago might not be in sync with external reality.
The next thing is to stop blaming the past. I have worked with people who insist on using the past as their justification for repeating self-destructive patterns. Despite clear and bountiful evidence (e.g., a series of friends and family members pointing out how it is destructive), I have seen people justify the behavior/thoughts with, “Well, it is how I was raised. I do this because of what happened in the past.”
Here is what is real: The past is the past and the present is what your life is. Really. The past is no longer happening. It is done. The people from your past are no longer the same. Some of them may even have passed on. Many of them may even no longer be in your life.
If you look at it more objectively, it does not make sense to blame past experiences for one’s present reality. What’s important about the past is not the experience but what you decided about the experience. Let me explain. A friend once told me a story about three women in a workshop he attended. They were talking about their parents and one woman was really frustrated. She said, “My mother was so awful. We had a cookie jar with cookies but she never let me eat from the jar. That is why I have an eating problem.” Another woman said, “That happened in my house, too.” Then another woman chimed in and said, “Huh. You know… that happened in my house but I just thought my mother was strange.” The third woman did not have an eating problem. What was different was what they decided, or (more specifically) the beliefs in real they put in their mind as a result of those events and other events.
The only way out of a trap is through a trap and the only way to progress in one’s life is to look at and change one’s programming – not to blame who they are on other people. While it may be true that one’s life was harsh and difficult, insisting on the harshness and difficulty simply reinstates and strengthens those patterns. The human mind is a biocomputer and it works really well. The problem is not with the mind, but with what we put in the mind.
Floating and taking the courses we offer at iFloat help you change the programming/patterns in your mind that you want to adjust.
Every person can benefit from looking at and adjusting patterns in their mind. Let’s take computers as an example. Since you last purchased a computer or smartphone, have you kept all the same applications that came with it? You didn’t? Why not? Oh… perhaps there were some applications you didn’t need and other applications you did need, right? Maybe that new photo software was necessary, or perhaps you downloaded a financial tracking software to improve your finances. The mind is the same. As long as you insist that your a “stuck in the mud” product of your past, then you are. However, if you do the work to change and put in new “apps,” then you might have a higher functioning biocomputer. Your relationships might grow stronger. The possibilities are endless.
At iFloat, we provide sophisticated services to help people reduce stress and find solutions to problems in their life. For example, floating is a great way to begin to slow down and look within. It’s powerful because there is no one in there except you. If you see patterns or experience things, you can be sure they are your experiences. There is no one else to blame. It’s an excellent, elegant, and (yet) gentle way to begin to look at one’s biocomputer, and to make the adjustments necessary to be more in sync with external reality.
Changing one’s mind/biocomputer does take work. That’s why iFloat exists. We exist to help people fine tune their mind. However, when one realizes how much energy they put into blaming their present on their past, it makes a lot of sense from a cost benefit point of view, to adjust those patterns so they can reallocate their energy in more productive ways.
Also, the next time you blame your present on your past, will you do yourself a favor? Take a deep breath and remind yourself, “The past is the past and the present is what my life is.” If you feel uncomfortable or frustrated about that, then maybe you need a float. LOL